Beautiful Disaster
by melodramatic cliches
Summary: ECLARE; Tragedy can strike at the most unexpected time, what happens when tragedy strikes at two teenage lovers, putting one of their lives at risk and the other in their own hell as they try to escape this darkness engulfing them whole.
1. she's a beautiful disaster

**A/N: I know I just said I probably won't write fanfiction that much, but I'll have some moments when I can on weekends. It's a complicated thing, but as for now school comes before fanfiction writing. Gradually I'll become better at writing, being in creative writing will help me become even better at all of this. (:**

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><p>The feel of the wind cruising through her curls made her smile slightly, she pressed the button to pull the window down even more until it was completely down and she stuck her head out, feeling the wind dance across her face, causing her to giggle madly.<p>

Although she wasn't the only one amused by this.

He glanced at her from the corner of his jade green orb as he had one eye on the road before him and he chuckled lightly at her innocence. The girl could do no wrong in the teenager's eye. No wrong whatsoever. She was the definition of pure and perfection to Eli Goldsworthy. To Eli, his girlfriend, his love of his life, his girl, she could do no wrong in his eyes.

"Enjoying yourself?" Eli commented and soon Clare Edwards ducked her head back in, and rolled the window up, her smile had faded and was now replaced with a prominent blush which had managed to cover most of her face, which caused a smirk to grace across Eli's face.

"Yes.." Clare replied as she started playing with her purity ring on her wedding finger, the ring meaning a lot to Clare as she had taken the vow of abstinence as a little girl, she vowed to keep it until she was married, then on her wedding night - she'd finally replace the ring with a wedding ring and she'd be a woman in God's eyes.

But for now, she was still a girl.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way, Clare. I don't mind if you wanna stick your head out my window like a dog - hell if you want, you can take your top off and do that.. Now that I would not mind at all." Eli said with a coy smile on his lips as he glanced at Clare who looked appalled and disgusted at her perverted boyfriend.

"Eli!" Clare exclaimed as she reached over and gave him a poor punch in his arm, which he rolled his eyes at.

"Ooh. That one smarted. I'm real scared by your punches, Edwards." Eli teased as the smile had never left his lips only grew more as he noticed how upset Clare was beginning to get.

"Not funny, Eli." Clare snapped and soon Eli's grin faltered and he looked at Clare a bit surprised by her snappiness.

Usually Clare Edwards was the most radiant person to have walked this planet in Eli's mind, she was an angel, despite his beliefs, he believed God had put her here on this Earth to make people happy. People like Eli happy and by all means, she made Eli a very happy man.

So to see Clare a bit agitated by Eli's behavior had thrown him off a bit, usually Clare would just blush and turn on the country station much to Eli's displeasure as she tried to rule out the silence with some of Taylor Swift's harmonic melodies, but this time she had snapped at him. Something he wasn't use to at all.

"You're pissed now?" Eli asked, a bit of annoyance touching his voice as he had said the words and then he regretted the words when he saw Clare only grow even more angrier by his words."Why do you have to be so mean?" Clare exclaimed, her face now flustered by her anger, not by embarrassment.

"Mean?" Eli asked as calmly as he could, he didn't wanna upset Clare any further, that was the last thing he wanted to do right now, but it seemed like any little word he uttered it made Clare Edwards blow up like a balloon.

"Yes mean! You always tease me! Its not funny, Eli! It use to be funny, but now its just mean!" Clare spat and soon Eli gulped as her words had hit him like a ton of bricks.

The last time Eli had been in a predicament like this one was when he was merely fifteen years old and his old lover was fourteen, a argument much like this one, just with more anger, more passion and more colorful words Eli knew Clare never dreamed of saying. But that argument had a turn of the worse and well.. Eli didn't wanna repeat that type of predicament again.

He'd only be left more broken than before, he'd only feel his heart being ripped from his chest, only it'd be worse considering his heart had been treated and was now placed back in its regular place, it still beat irregularly, but it beat nonetheless.

"Clare.." Eli paused, trying to choose his words differently, he didn't wanna upset Clare, but she was already past upset, her face was flustered and her blue orbs were not happy, if anything, they held anger and frustration - all towards Eli. "I didn't mean to come off as mean. Honestly, you know I always tease you blue eyes.. I didn't mean it in a bad way-" Eli was about to finish his sentence when Clare scoffed loudly.

"You always tease me too! Do you think I like being teased? Do you think I like being teased by you for the way I act at times? Do you think I like being called names? Do you think I like always being reminded how I'm a virgin and how I should always have my clothes off? Do you think I like how not only do you tease me, but you tease my friends too! Sure Alli can be a bit annoying, but she means well! Unlike you! How could Julia even deal with you for two years?" Clare screeched, her voice sounding like tires on a racetrack.

As Clare looked over at her boyfriend, she immediately felt horrible, she finally felt her anger subside and looking at Eli made her feel awful, his face was vulnerable and she could just see the hurt etched onto his skin as her words had punctured every piece of his skin. His hands were trembling and his jaw was set.

Slowly, but surely, Eli looked over at Clare, none of his eyes on the road and he murmured,

"Why did you bring her into this?" murmured Eli, his voice on the verge of cracking and completely breaking him down, although he was holding it together, either for the sake of Clare, or for the sake of himself.

Before Clare could even respond to Eli, out of the corner of her eye, she looked ahead of the road, Eli had managed to accidentally drive into the other lane of oncoming drivers - he was on the wrong side.

"E-Eli!" Clare exclaimed as she pointed forward towards the huge truck coming their way and suddenly Eli tried to swerve out of the way despite his shaking hands, but it was already too late.

Both pieces of black metal met head on, creating a beautiful disaster.

The sound of screams were heard and the sound of metal and glass shattering onto the pavement as the two trucks were taking the back roads of Toronto, they were no where close to the city.

.

.

.

Awaking with a start, Eli rose his head from the air bag that had sprung from the steering wheel and he could feel something dribbling down the side of his face and he cautiously placed his hand there and pulled it back, inspecting blood on his fingertips and suddenly took a sharp intake of air.

Licking his lips and tasting blood had only proven more towards Eli's confusion to what had happened and why he was here in the first place, he was still in Morty, except.. Glass was everywhere, his air bag was covered with his blood and the window shield was shattered, completely.

_Clare._

Beginning to panic, Eli remembered how he was in Morty with Clare, but as he looked to his right she wasn't even there, the seat was empty, but her purse was a mangled mess on the floorboard.

All Eli saw was part of brown leggings and black flats stick out of the window shield and automatically he knew who those belonged to just by how worn they were.

_Clare._

Jumping from Morty's door, Eli darted around the back of Morty, he noticed how there was no ambulances, no fire trucks, no police men, no nothing. All Eli saw was the truck he had collided with and even there he saw the man driving the truck, passed on the driving wheel.

Ignoring the pain in his legs from the crash, he made his way to Clare and let out a slight yelp from her mangled body laying on his hood of Morty.

Glass was stuck in her skin and her face wasn't even visible under the massive amount of blood on her face, a bone in her wrist was sticking out abnormally and all Eli could notice was her huge blue orbs, open wide with fear, she tried to talk, but all that came out of her mouth was blood, lots of red crimson blood pouring from her mouth and in that moment Eli didn't even wanna touch her, to see what had happened to her abdomen from the crash, he knew if he merely touched her, she'd scream in pain, she'd writhe in pain and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Oh God.. Clare." Eli said inaudibly as he stared at his girlfriend, quivering and shaking on his hood of his car. "Don't worry baby, okay, I'm gonna call 911 okay? I won't let you die." Eli breathed out, but even then he couldn't trust his own words, he wasn't even sure if Clare would be okay at this point, she was mangled and broken before him and it only made him wanna suffer a million deaths.

Although Eli didn't notice Clare grow even more frightened as he pulled his phone out and with shaky fingertips, dial 911. He didn't notice as he talked quickly into the receiver of the phone that Clare was staring past him and at another figure.

The figure identical to Clare.

The figure _was _Clare, but a much healthier Clare, a Clare much like the one who was having a blast inside her boyfriend's car.

As the mangled Clare continued to give out choked sobs, the healthier Clare approached her broken self, looking at her in pity, she clicked her tongue and sighed.

"You poor thing.." said the healthier Clare, she used a gentle tone as she approached the mangled Clare with such worry and concern in her voice.

This confused the mangled Clare greatly, she just wanted to be alright and off the hood of this hearse, she didn't want the feeling of glass in her skin, she wanted the feeling of Eli's fingertips on her skin.

_Eli._

Both Clare's saw how panicked and scared Eli looked, he didn't bother with his head or mouth wounds at the moment as he watched Clare with such intense worry and fear that it made the healthier Clare shiver as she watched Eli look past her - not seeing her as the healthier Clare knew she couldn't be seen by anyone BUT the mangled Clare.

That was because she was the mangled Clare in a sense.

She'd make sense of that soon.

.

.

.

Eli stared down at the grey carpet of Toronto General hospital in a dead like state.

He couldn't think nor talk straight, he could barely even move. Everyone had stopped trying to speak with him after realizing he wasn't in the mood to speak or to see anyone right now, reason why he was in the corner of the hospital waiting room and everyone else was huddled together elsewhere in the bland and bleak waiting room.

He could still feel the throb of pain in his temple from the head injury he had received from the crash and the pain in his leg as well, but that's all he had received. He wished he had received more, he wished he had received the worst pain from that crash, any type of pain that would not be inflicted on Clare.

But no, that didn't happen, instead Clare was in surgery at the moment while a team of doctors try to save her life - right now, it was on the line.

Anything can happen to her small frail body at this moment, she could be lost at any moment and it scared Eli to the very core.

_This is all your fault._

_This is all your fault._

_This is all your fault._

_She's gonna die thanks to you._

_She's gonna die thanks to you._

_She's gonna die thanks to you._

_This is just like Julia._

_This is just like Julia._

_This is just like Julia._

_You are a monster._

_You are a monster._

_You are a monster._

_You don't' deserve life._

_You don't deserve a beating heart._

_You don't deserve Clare._

The words echoed in Eli's shrewd mind as he took in a shaky breath and tried to reason with his beating heart which was ready to escape his ribcage at the moment.

She didn't deserve this, any of it, Eli had been an idiot on his own part and had managed to make her so upset, despite her words, she didn't deserve this.

She didn't deserve to have her life on the line, she deserved to be happy right now, to be dancing in her room, to be laughing with her friends, to be taking pictures or to be reading under a tree.

She didn't deserve to be on a cold metal table under a bright light while they operate on her delicate and frail body while they try to save her.

This was all Eli's fault, he had managed to do this twice and he just can't help but hurt people he loved.

He was a monster by all means, always hurting people, he was surprised people still interact with him despite his major flaws.

He didn't deserve amazing people like Adam, Sav, Fiona, and even Clare, he deserved none of them.

What Eli believed he deserved was loneliness for the rest of his dark life, he deserved no good in his life, he deserved darkness.

Pure and utter darkness, to be loved by no one, that's what Eli believed he solely deserved after his wrongful actions in this harsh world.

He believed he shaped some lives badly, he believed he had done wrong his whole life, the only wrong he never did was agreeing to be Clare's boyfriend.

He feels like that was the only right he ever accomplished in his sixteen years of life.

"Baby boy?" Cece murmured and Eli didn't even raise his head to meet with his mother's concerned gaze, he knew she was overly worried about him right now and he didn't blame her, he'd be worry too if his son or daughter were being mute at the moment.

"Eli.. Talk to me baby." Cece whispered as Eli felt her place her hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles on his back like she often did when he was younger and would come home from horrible school days.

"There is nothing to talk about." Eli grumbled under his breath as he began to chip off the nail polish he had painted on his fingers, he then began to remember Clare painting his fingernails, saying that the sharpie was gonna dry his nails out and its better if he just paints them - and who was he to say no to her adorable and big blue orbs, just pleading with him, he could never refuse her.

"Oh yes there is baby boy. First off, how do you feel? You had a pretty huge gash on your head." Cece murmured lovingly as Eli felt her press a kiss to his bandage on his temple.

He deserved more than a gash on his temple, he deserved a hundred, a thousand, a million gashes on his body from the pain he inflicted on Clare.

Eli merely shrugged at his mothers words and continued to look down at the ugly grey carpeting, he was horrible at explaining his feelings out loud, that was usually why he wrote them in a journal, once his pen always touches his paper, Eli knows what to write and how to word it, but once he opens his mouth to speak, nothing comes out but gibberish.

"She'll be alright, Eli. She's a strong, _strong _girl." Cece said softly as she gave Eli's shoulder a slight sympathetic squeeze and again Eli shook his head at her words.

"No.. the blood mom.. All that blood.." Eli managed to gasp out and Cece continued to rub circles into her son's back, not sure how to go by this, she had remembered the night Eli received the call about Julia, about how angry and devastated he was, she remembered that dark night of just holding her baby boy in her arms, rocking him back and forth in his bedroom as he cried into her shoulder, staining her jacket with his salty tears.

Since then neither of them spoke of Eli's horrific and heartbreaking breakdown, although they still remember it as if it had happened yesterday, the memory both bright and raw, implanted into both mother and son's brain.

"I know baby, I know, but Clare will make it through this. You know she will. She's a strong girl. She's a fighter and she will fight to stay alive." Cece murmured lowly to her distraught son, she noted how his face lightened up a bit by her words, but quickly faltered as he let out a huge sigh from his chapped and bloody lips.

"What if she.." Eli began to say, but Cece shook her head, knowing if he uttered those words, he'd begin to breakdown in the waiting room and she would never allow him to humiliate himself that way.

"She won't. Don't think that way." Cece quipped as she placed a hand on her son's slightly bruised face, realizing he was in for a long road of recovery, both physically and mentally.

Eli merely slumped into his chair, stuffing his hands in his pockets and staring down at his ripped skinny jean - continuously wishing it was _him _who had crashed and got the worse from it, not Clare.

Never Clare, because in Eli's eyes, she was an angel and angel's deserved no pain.

Especially his blue eyed angel.

"Edwards?" An older doctor said from afar and immediately Eli felt the uneasiness roll in his stomach as he stood up with his mother, feeling her supportive hand on his back as they all approached the doctor.

Each of them with the uneasiness rolling in their stomach like a kid would roll around on the floor, their throats closing up as they desperately reached for air, their eyes tearing as soon as they heard some dreadful news cruise into their ears and hit their eardrum with a loud bang.

"I'm sorry, she's fallen into a coma."

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><p><strong>AN: This is something I'm trying out, a three or four shot at the most, nothing horribly huge. The next update will probably be on either Friday or Saturday at the least, I'll try to squeeze in some writing, but sophomore year came with a pile of homework and I should expect a lot of homework considering I've taken creative writing. Anyway, please review if you want me to continue with this plot, if you don't, I'll keep it as a open ended one shot. **


	2. he's breaking inside piece by piece

**A/N: Here it is! Chapter two as promised. (: Loved the feedback I got on chapter one! Also I'll begin to add songs to listen to while reading, I forgot to on the first chapter, but I'll add them from now on. **

**Warning: Sad themes and swearing.**

**Disclaimer: I own the in-between land - not Degrassi. **

**Songs To Listen To: No Sound But The Wind by Editors and Model Homes by In-Flight Safety.**

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><p>She could feel herself once more drift through the wind, her curls smothering her face, her eyelids shut tightly as the wind grew more and more intense as the time grew on.<p>

She wanted to escape this, she wanted to be home, she wanted to be safe, anywhere was better than this - if anything she'd prefer to be making up with Eli right now and receiving several kisses from his soft lips, but sadly that wasn't happening to her at the moment.

Clare couldn't remember what had exactly happened a few hours before, all she could remember was her constant bickering with Eli, her harsh words which escaped her pink lips and swallowed the air, turning his face into pure pain.

After that, she had remembered hitting her head hard, feeling her brain shake inside her skull and then everything else was a blur, a simple blur in her now jumbled up pretty mind.

Although soon, Clare collapsed onto a soft ground, she relaxed her eyelids and body as she breathed a thank you to whoever had stopped that horrific rollercoaster of a ride, was this some nightmare she was having? If it was, it wasn't a very pleasant or normal nightmare, usually her nightmares consist of monsters or bad guys as they always did, she had such an innocent mind, she didn't have much to worry herself over in her sleep.

Opening her eyes slowly, Clare noted her surroundings, she was in a grassy field, one field she knew nothing of, she'd never been her before in all her fifteen years of life.

The place was unfamiliar to the curly haired girl, she felt the uneasiness roll around in her stomach and automatically she hated where she was, she just wanted to go home, to go home where she'd smell pancakes being made in the morning and coffee being brewed, home where she'd awake to a buzzing text from Eli always saying, _Good morning beautiful. _

She wanted **that.**

She didn't wanna be in some foreign place away from her family and friends and most importantly, Eli.

"So you finally arrived." A unfamiliar voice whispered, the voice feminine and a bit husky, a voice that gathered all of Clare's attention, it was a bit of a alluring voice, one might find themselves growing fond of a voice much like the one Clare was hearing.

"Wh-what?" Clare asked, looking around for the voice in a panic, she wanted to know someone else was here with her, if anything she didn't wanna be alone if she was forced to stay here, at least if she had someone - anyone, she'd be thankful.

"Oh Clare Edwards. I knew you would show up soon." The husky voice uttered once more and it sent a ripple of shivers down Clare's spine, causing her to spin around quickly and she gasped as she found herself face to face with a remarkably beautiful girl around her age, possibly a bit younger.

Yet Clare knew the girl's face, she had seen it multiple times and everytime she saw it, her heart broke because she knew the affect this face had on her other half, she knew whenever he saw this face, his own would lose color and turn a sickly pale, his green orbs would lose their smugness and turn dead, his hands would start to tremble, flashbacks played in his mind, playing with him and what his sanity had been left of him.

The girl before her was Julia.

"Julia?" Clare gasped out as she staggered backwards, this wasn't normal, no, this wasn't normal, Julia couldn't be here, Julia was.. She was dead. She's been dead for years, this isn't normal, not one little bit of this was normal. She couldn't be seeing the beautiful dead girl in front of her, she had to be dreaming - that was the only logical explanation in this terrifying dream here.

Julia chuckled and it was a chuckle that would make babies giggle and coo at the sound entering their little ears, the chuckle had given Clare a warmth she wasn't expecting to roll through her body.

"You sound so surprised, well, can't exactly _blame _you at all for being surprised, I'd be in shock as well if I saw my boyfriend's dead ex girlfriend in a grassy plain." Julia said nonchalantly as she softly, but swiftly move hair from his face and tucked it behind her heavily pierced ears, finally Clare could see her eyes, her gorgeous blue eyes which popped from Julia's pale complexion. If eyes could kill, they'd have Clare on the ground already, Julia was far from gorgeous, she was perfection in every language, it was like a light had gone off in Clare's head, suddenly she understood why Eli had loved her so much - she was the most beautiful girl Clare had ever set eyes on.

"Why are you here? Why am I here? What is going on?" Clare asked abruptly, Julia sensed the fear in Clare's voice and simply smiled, a simple smile that even made Clare stop and stare at her utter perfect smile. How could one person be so beautiful, yet be dead? How could God take away such a perfect human being?

"Well Clare.. After you and Eli's little fender bender-" Julia began and suddenly it hit Clare like a ton of heavy bricks.

She was in a car accident with Eli, she remembered it clearly now, the blur of her memory becoming clearer and now she could remember, feeling the glass shards in her skin, the blood covering her face, how cold she was getting on the hood of Morty.

The look of fear and pain in Eli's green orbs as blood dribbled down his face.

"Fender bender? That wasn't a fender bender, Julia! That was a _horrific car crash! _Oh God.. Where is Eli? Is he okay? Please tell me he's okay!" Clare exclaimed as her voice rose in octaves and several different possibilities popped into her pretty mind.

For all Clare knew, Eli was somewhere in a morgue, lying cold and emotionless, his eyes shut and he still wore crimson read dried up blood on his face as the doctors tried to clean the blood off his body and drain his blood out of his body before shoving the beautiful boy in a body bag and into the human size freezer.

Gasping for air, Clare pushed that from her mind, feeling her chest heave with the awful solution in her mind, Eli couldn't be dead, he just couldn't be, if he was.. Clare would just know.

"He's perfectly fine, Clare. Here I'll show you." Julia murmured as she stretched out her perfectly smooth and pale hand, with no hesitation and driven to see her lover, Clare grasped onto Julia's hand and was soon pulled into another roller coaster ride she did not wanna be on, she could feel her insides jumble about, her heart rattle in her ribcage, her brain slide into the walls of her skull.

Julia on the other hand had her eyes closed and looked perfect and peaceful during the vortex of a ride, a small smile on her cherry apple red lips.

Sighing with a breath of relief as the ride soon stopped, Clare opened her eyes as she felt her feet land on the ground, she held onto Julia's hand for support as she steadied herself on the while tiled floor.

"Ah. Here we are. Toronto General." Julia murmured as she looked about the busied hallway and Clare quickly looked around seeing nurses and doctors scurry down halls, shouting nonsense to each other that neither Clare nor Julia could comprehend.

Soon a nurse was walking straight towards, Clare, but before Clare could move, the nurse walked straight through her, carrying the IV along with her and the curly haired brunette stood there in a daze by what had just occurred, how had that nurse just.. Walked through her as if she was thin air?

"They can't see you." Julia informed Clare tiredly as she inspected her smooth black fingernails with her perfect blue orbs and Clare cocked an eyebrow at Julia in sheer wonder by the pretty girl's words.

"What? They can't see me?" Clare exclaimed surprised as she looked around the hallway as it seemed no one acknowledged Clare or Julia, only proving more towards Julia's statement about not being able to be seen.

"Nope. You're not alive and real to them." Julia said once more, her tone growing more boring as she turned around and faced a mirror in which she smiled and inspected her reflection, smoothing her long black mane of wavy hair, running her fingers through the endless amount of hair.

But Julia's words rung through Clare's mind in a haze.

_You're not alive and real to them._

_You're not alive and real to them._

_You're not alive and real to them._

What was Clare to them? Was she nothing? Had she become simple air for people to breathe?What was happening?

"What do you mean?" Clare asked lowly, she could feel tears film in her eyes and she desperately wanted to cry, but she had to hold her glistening tears back, she couldn't cry in front of Julia of all people, what kind of a person would degrade themselves like that in front of perfection?

Julia sighed heavily and smacked her lips as she faced Clare and crossed her arms across her busty chest, making her breasts pop out more from her low cut top and Clare could see a guitar pick necklace, identical to the one Eli always wore inside the crease of her breasts.

"You're in a coma right now, Clare. The real you is anyway. Right now, you are not alive nor dead, you are simply in the in between land as some call it. Only dead people can see you - people like me." Julia said a bit glumly, but soon picked right back up on her frame again, keeping her posture.

The words wouldn't process right into Clare's brain, coma? Alive? Dead? In between land? What kind of dream was she dreaming right now? This was too much for her, she'd never been apart of something like this before.

"C-Coma?" Clare croaked out and Julia nodded, her expression on her face showed some sympathy towards the fearful and pained curly haired girl in front of her, yet the rest of her expression showed boredom on her part, she wasn't here to reason with the teenage girl, she was simply here to show her the choice she'd have to choose from. "But.. But will I wake up?" Clare whispered and then Julia's cherry apple red lips curled up into a smile, she was awaiting this.

"Now that Clare Edwards, is completely up to you if you want that or not." Julia informed Clare and that only made the curly haired brunette even more confused, causing the beautiful black haired vixen to smile even wider.

In ways Julia could be jealous of Eli's new girl in his life, Clare had thick and beautiful reddish brown curls, she had huge blue orbs - much like Julia's, and she had this curve to her body which Julia always longed to have, she wanted curves badly and was always stuck with a stick figure throughout her fourteen years of life.

Yet Julia was never jealous to say, she was always so full of herself, she was much like Eli in a way which always brought them together in some ways.

"So.. If I get to choose if I wake up or not.. Then I wanna wake up. Now." Clare said, her tone serious and stern and Julia allowed a bubbling giggle to escape her red lips once more.

"Its not that simple. First off, you'll need to see your.. Unresponsive self and _then _see your options, you never know, maybe being dead could bring joy in others lives." Julia said with a smirk on her cherry red lips before running her tongue over their smoothness and Clare stared at Julia with a slack jaw.

"Better if I was de-dead?" Clare stammered and the black vixen rolled her blue orbs at Clare's constant surprisement, Julia was never this surprised when she was informed by her mother about having to choose between life or death, Julia had chosen death.

As clear as day, Julia remembered why she chose it too, it was because she saw how much better Eli's life would be, surely she saw the downs to it, but she saw the ups as well, and Clare was one of the ups.

"Just come along and we can see you and Eli." Julia said lowly as she began walking past Clare, her heels on her boots clacking on the tile floor and soon she heard the curly brunette catch up with her, keeping up with her fast pace, as they rounded corridors, rushed through doctors and nurses which somehow still sent chills down Clare's spine.

Julia abruptly stopped at a door with a file hanging on it, the file named being,

**Clare Diana Edwards.**

"Here we are." Julia murmured as she felt a rush of happiness surge through her veins, she knew Eli was beyond this point of the door and that was the cause of her happiness, she hadn't seen him in years and she longed to see him now - she missed him dearly, just as much as he missed her.

Julia knew of the letters Eli wrote her, she knew that she crossed his mind everyday, she knew he had pictures of her lining his bedroom walls and dressers, she knew when he was nervous, he'd twirl the guitar pick necklace between his thumb and index finger and Julia would pop into his brain, causing him slight pain, but pleasure at the same time.

Slowly Julia walked through the door, knowing that opening the door would cause some to speculate of why the door was opening when no one was there and if anything Julia didn't wanna frighten Eli anymore than he probably was.

Both girls caught their breath as they saw the sight before them in the bleak and bland hospital room, smelling of anesthetics and cold hard metal, a light blared from above and the beige curtains were closed tightly.

The only thing that broke the curly haired girl and the beautiful vixen's heart was the sight of the boy they loved before them, staring at a mangled Clare on a uncomfortable white hospital cot.

His face was drained from color, his eyes held no emotion, they were dead as night, his skin was the palest either of them had saw and his hands trembled ever so slightly as he watched an unresponsive Clare on her hospital cot.

It seemed as if someone had gotten a humongous vacuum cleaner and sucked what life he had out of his veins, had suckled every bit of life, happiness, and smugness from Eli's features, leaving only a deflated sixteen year old boy behind, holding no more life in his veins.

The sight just made Clare feel as if a bullet had gone through her chest and puncture her heart a million times just seeing her other half look utterly broken, bit by bit, he held nothing, no life whatsoever, what he did hold in his whole being was sadness, absolute depression.

"Oh God.." Clare breathed out as she placed a hand over her mouth as the scene before broke her heart even more as Eli leaned forward and weakly grabbed the unresponsive Clare's scratched up hand and lightly rubbed his thumb over her raised skin, taking in a deep shaky breath as the tears were beginning to sting his green orbs.

"I'm so sorry." Eli choked out from his trembling lips as he licked them nervously and he shut his eyes quickly as a way to stop the tears from falling from his eyes, he had to keep what strength he had left, he just had to, he couldn't let himself go, not now, not when his blue eyed lover needed him right now.

"Oh Eli." Clare gasped out and she took quick and tedious steps forward, ignoring Julia's shouts behind her, Clare approached Eli and tried to place a hand on his shoulder, only to see her hand go straight through, sending a rippling shiver to coarse through Eli's spine as he jumped slightly in his chair, holding onto the mangled Clare's hand even tighter.

"You don't deserve this.. None of it. You deserve to be somewhere reading or laughing - not laying on a uncomfortable bed while you're.. unconscious." Eli said slowly, choosing his words carefully as he didn't wanna say the word 'coma' knowing he'd lose it completely just by uttering the word. "I should have been faster.. If I was faster that truck wouldn't have collided with us and you'd be safe at home in your room. Not here." Eli added, his voice having edge to it as he swallowed a lump down his throat and he could already feel a tear glide down his cheek. "I'm such a horrible boyfriend. I can't even take you home safely.. I could have killed you, Clare. I could have killed you." Eli began to mumble over and over as more tears glided down his cheeks as he tried to breath, but it was feeling as if his chest was closing up on his, allowing no airway passages.

Clare, who had been watching the scene unfold before her, clasped a hand over her mouth again to stop the pathetic sobs that wanted to ripple from her chest, she hated herself for her words right then and there, she shouldn't have brought up Julia in the car, she should have known how unstable Eli gets when mentioning Julia, yet Clare did while he was driving them home. Clare caused him to even be more unstable.

Clare was the whole reason behind this fiasco before her, not Eli, not the truck driver, but Clare was the one to blame.

Soon Clare felt a chilling hand on her shoulder and she twitched at the touch even though she had a good idea of who it was already.

"Let's go now, Clare." Julia murmured, keeping her perfect hand on Clare's trembling shoulder, but Clare shook her head, wanting to desperately cry, but she couldn't, not with Julia before her, not while having perfection in her presence.

"I-I can't." Clare stammered as she removed her hand from her mouth as she crossed her arms across her chest, her chest still crying out from the pain before her.

"You need to, Clare. You need to see your options." Julia murmured. "Besides.. This is a tough scene before us right now, I don't wanna spend anymore time in this hospital room." Julia added, her voice on the verge of breaking and Clare already had an idea of why the beautiful vixen girl was on the verge of crying as well.

It was all because of the jade green eyed boy before the two teen girls. Neither of them liked seeing Eli cry - much less sob uncontrollably like he had begun to do by Clare's bedside, his whimpers brought pain to Clare's heart, jabbing at her heart and making her feel physical pain by it.

"Fine." Clare breathed out, realizing that being here with Eli wasn't the best idea right now, besides, her real body was horribly horrid as Clare got a closer look of her real self.

Cuts and bruises laced her once clear face, she had a cast on her left wrist, indicating she had broken it when she had tried to stop herself from crashing through the window shield, she also had cuts and bruising lacing her arms and upper chest as well.

Clare didn't even wanna know how her real self looked _under _the hospital robe, she was sure she looked even more horrid.

Sighing, Clare turned her back on her green eyed lover and her real self and faced Julia, who was now sporting sad blue eyes which were also laced with anxiety as Clare had noted - she sure was ready to bolt from this room.

"Where to next?" Clare questioned Julia as she uncrossed her arms and took a deep breath in, hoping that would stop her quivers and shakes from the scene she had just seen.

Julia breathed out heavily, obvious relief surfaced on her beautiful face as she slightly smiled, her cherry red lips stretching over her pale skin.

"First, we'll go see Alli." Julia told Clare, Clare raised an eyebrow at Julia, how had she known about Alli?

"Why Alli? I thought you were showing me my options?" Clare asked, confused than ever by the beautiful vixen's words leaving her red lips.

"I am. Alli is apart of both options. In the end, Clare, you'll have two distinct options to choose from life or death. But we're not at that part yet, instead, I'll show you what will happen to all of your loved ones if you were to die and what would happen, if you were to stay alive." Julia explained, the cherry red smile still plastered on her face.

Clare looked at Julia in complete confusion and surprisement by her words, options? Life or death? This was sounding more and more like a whacked out dream to Clare.

Yet Clare knew it wasn't a dream, sadly, this was her harsh reality she had gotten to.

"Take my hand Clare. Take it, and we'll go see how Alli Bhandari is doing ten years from now _if _you, her best friend had died during her coma." Julia whispered as she stretched her long beautiful hand out for Clare to grasp.

Nervously, Clare looked over her shoulder, seeing Eli with his head buried into the cold crisp hospital bed sheets, his tears staining them as he continued to hold the unresponsive Clare's hand. Feeling more confidence soar through her veins by just seeing Eli, Clare willingly took Julia's hand in her own and was soon sucked into another terrifying and black vortex.

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><p><strong>AN: Please review! **


	3. no one is okay since you've passed away

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! I'd love if you guys would review more! The next chapter will sadly be the last, so please review!**

**Warning: Confusement and sad themes. **

**Disclaimer: I own the ever so full of herself, Julia Vincent - not Degrassi.**

**Songs: Tautou by Brand New and All I Need by Within Temptation.**

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><p>Being suckled into another vortex was not on Clare's agenda for the rest of this seemingly awful day. She wondered if there was a simpler way to transport from one place to the other without feeling like death throughout the whole process. Once more her curls whipped around her face, some finding their way between her lips and into her mouth, causing an unpleasant taste in her mouth.<p>

Glancing to her left, Clare studied Julia and her pleasant expression, it almost looked as if she enjoyed the feeling of being suckled through a vortex to another place, maybe she enjoyed feeling pain, maybe that was another one of her many characteristics that made Eli fall for her. Maybe Eli liked that in a girl, a girl who embraced pain and never was a wuss about pain much like Clare was about pain.

Clare recalled the last time she had been with Eli while in immense pain - minus the most recent car crash which was filled with pain beyond Clare's control - was when Clare had rode her bike to Eli's house, declining his offer to swing by and pick her up like he usually did, since Clare had said how she didn't need to rely so heavily on his car rides and that she needed to do things on her own, after a long argument with Eli over it, Clare had surprisingly won the argument and had heard at least over twenty "please be careful's" escape from Eli's nervously twitching lips over the phone before she reassured him she'd be fine coming over to his house.

Although things did not go so smoothly for Clare during her bike ride seeing as she was too busy lip reading the lyrics to a Taylor Swift song to pay attention to where she was peddling at and had humiliatingly rammed into a tree trunk, denting the front of her bike and sending her flying off the seat and into a thorn bush, which wasn't the greatest feeling in the world seeing as she was bleeding from at least five different places on her arms, legs and face. That and she had sprained her ankle while trying to steady her fall, but that had failed, leaving her immobile on the dirty ground with her open wounds leaking red crimson blood and her ankle throbbing in pain and screaming for ice and elevation.

Things had gotten better after her little run in with the tree trunk, Clare had no other option than to call Eli on her phone for him to pick her up and take her home now that she had managed to injure herself in six different places, not only did Clare had felt humiliated and immature for crashing her bike like a small child would crash it, but seeing Eli rush to her side with such worry and concern on his face as he had seen her cuts and had inspected her swollen ankle, she felt worse than she did when she flew off her bike.

As she continue to fly through the vortex with the beautiful vixen holding her hand, Clare recalled on how Eli had taken her home to a empty house, carried her up her stairs to her room and had taken care of her as gentle and careful as he could muster with shaken hands. Clare tried to imagine Eli's soft fingertips on her skin now, tried to imagine how it would graze her open wound before he'd cleanse it with products and then place a bandage over it before placing a swift kiss over the smooth material before repeating his actions four more times. The feeling of his skin was always so soft and gentle to Clare, especially whenever she was in danger or in pain - he was always there to make her feel as if she was taken care of and looked well after, that he wasn't going to let anything horribly awful happen to her. Clare still could hear his murmuring words of "please don't ever ride a bike again, just let me drive you around.. Please." and Clare couldn't refuse, not when he sounded so pained.

The film of protectiveness is no longer enveloped around Clare now seeing as Eli wasn't here _with _her, instead he was in her hospital room, holding onto her barely there hand, weeping uncontrollably as horrible outcomes surpassed his jumbled up mind.

The only person here for Clare was Julia and already Clare was starting to warm up to her, but felt some uneasiness from being around her boyfriend's dead ex girlfriend in a in between land.

All Clare wanted was home and home was where he was.

Soon the rush and the uneasiness of the vortex stopped and Clare felt herself land somewhat better on the soles of her feet as she found herself in a awful looking apartment hallway, bugs were crawling the floor, the wallpaper was peeling, the lights were flickering as bugs were flying around their old orbs.

Clare glanced around disgusted by her surroundings, who would dare live in such an awful apartment with flickering lights and bugs everywhere you walked, Clare could never imagine anyone wanting to live her on whim.

"Aha. We've made it." Julia said with a bit of a cheerful voice as she observed her surroundings as Clare did, she had a thoughtful look on her perfect face, her green eyes shining even as a awfully lit light shined on them, bringing out her thick and long eyelashes as well.

"Where exactly did we make it to?" Clare asked as she continued to look down at a beetle on the ground scatter away into a makeshift hole in the wall, making shivers be sent down Clare's spine by just imagining the bugs in that hole.

"This Clare, is where your best friend Alli lives." Julia informed Clare as she gestured to the huge dirty and worn out door with the number 326 faded and scratched out on the cheap gold plate.

Clare stared at Julia incredulously, Alli had lived here? Her best friend Alli who had plans to be excessively rich and have a nice home - not live in some dingy apartment crawling with rodents and insects.

"What.. How?" Clare asked incredulous as she continued to inspect the huge wooden door that led to Alli's home beyond its rotting wood.

"Well, like I was saying before, I'm taking you to see people and what would happen if you were to die during the coma, then I'll show you their life if you were to live. Right now, I'm showing you what would happen to Alli if you.. Died." Julia explained and Clare could only feel uneasiness roll through her stomach at imaging what Alli looked like beyond the door.

"Do I wanna see her? Is this going to be bad?" Clare asked in a small voice and the beautiful vixen sighed heavily before inspecting her perfect nail buds.

"You're forced to see her basically and she isn't the worst, in fact she's the least horrible out of the whole group of people you'll be seeing today." Julia informed Clare as she looked at her with piercing green orbs that could quite possibly kill Clare if Julia tried.

"Group?" Clare squeaked and Julia nodded at her words as she tucked a long lock of her raven hair behind her ear, showing off her piercings. "Is.. Eli apart of the group?" Clare questioned in a small voice and she heard no answer from Julia.

Glancing up Clare looked at Julia's expression, surprisingly it was tied between ultimate pain and disgust as her complexion turned paler by the second.

"Yes. He's the last one I'm showing you to today." Julia said through a clenched jaw, had she already seen what Eli would look like if Clare had died? Clare gulped and nodded to Julia's words, hoping she wouldn't need to see Eli, she just wanted to go home.. Was that too much to ask for? "Let's just go see Alli Bhandari ten years from now if you died." Julia said a bit less aggravated and painful as she grasped Clare's wrist and pulled her through the rotting wooden door in a flash.

Clare began to cough loudly as she felt the wood specks enter through her throat, but soon she took awareness of her surroundings and gasped as she saw how worn down and utterly disgusting Alli's apartment looked like.

"Oh my God." Clare breathed as she noticed how dirty plates accumulated on the kitchen table, how the sink was piled high with more dirty plates and cups, how filthy toys laced the floor and buckets were strewn across what Clare considered the living room as they were holding leaking water.

Soon a baby's cry filtered through the apartment, making Clare's neck snap up as she saw Alli Bhandari walk into the living room with a crying baby in her arms, Clare almost couldn't recognize Alli seeing at how aged and worn out she looked, her skin looked dirty, her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and even then her hair seemed oily and greasy, as her skin looked like as well, her clothes were excessively baggy and dirty. Clare couldn't believe what had happened to Alli, she looked like a homeless woman with nothing going for her.

"If you're wondering what happened to Alli, this is what happened, after you died in your coma, Alli somewhat lost her way, you were always there to guide her through boy troubles and well Alli was eventually kicked out of her house and proceeded to live with Johnny Dimarco in this ratty old apartment. By the time Alli was seventeen she already had a one year old child and was already pregnant with her second, she had dropped out of Degrassi and cut off contacts with her friends, her brother Sav and her parents. Now, Alli has six children all together and she doesn't know this yet, but she's expecting a seventh one and I suspect she'll find out in a couple days and she'll have another breakdown like she usually does after finding out she's pregnant again. In case you're wondering who the father is, the father is Johnny, but just recently Johnny walked out of Alli and their children's lives, saying he never wanted to have her children, he just helped her out, but now he's gone and she's left alone with their children. Alli has nothing going for her since you died. This is what your death caused." Julia explained half heartedly as she stared at the young baby in Alli's arms, its cries getting louder and louder with each pain staking long moment.

Clare had no words as she looked at her depressed and worn out best friend trying to soothe the small infant in her arms, Clare never expected this to happen to Alli if she had died, Clare would have expected Alli to become stronger and fight for her dreams, not just give up so easily.

"Is there an upside to this?" Clare asked abruptly, hoping there was some upside to Alli's seemingly horrible life after Clare's demise.

"Mhm, she no longer has to deal with you holding her back from what she wants to do." Julia informed Clare with a slight shrug. "She's free to do whatever she pleases and doesn't have to listen to you, but as you see.. You're needed in her life." Julia simply said and Clare gulped loudly as she looked back at Alli, who had managed to calm her child down and place him or her in a messy bassinet which was by the front door before slumping into a wooden chair tiredly, she looked so dead and worn out by all her working, she looked at least fifty when in fact she was only twenty five.

"Can we go see what Alli's life would be like if I lived?" Clare asked in a small voice, she didn't wanna watch her best friend suffer no more here, she wanted to see a happy Alli, a successful Alli, any Alli that was better than this Alli.

Julia sighed heavily and reached her hand out.

"Sure, just grab on." Julia murmured and Clare had never grasped Julia's hand as quickly as she did in that moment.

Like always Clare was suckled into another dark black vortex.

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Clare landed onto the balls of her feet as she landed softly for once on soft carpet underneath her feet, once she collected her thoughts, she looked around the extremely gorgeous living room, done in shades of beige and light orange, the carpet being a snowy white.

"Woah." Clare whispered as she continued to inspect the beautiful home she was standing in, she had never seen such a glorious home, so neat, so spotless, such a step up from Alli's ratty home she was just standing in.

"This Clare, is Alli's house if you lived, she'd be a fashion designer and she'd be successfully married and have an amazing life with her husband. She'd have a perfect life." Julia murmured as she watched Clare's fight light up with happiness just by hearing Julia's words on Alli, _this _was what Clare wanted for her best friend, she wanted Alli to succeed and be happy, she wanted Alli to have the perfect life, the perfect house, the perfect husband, the perfect _everything._

Soon an older and much more cleaner Alli briskly walked into the living room with her phone pressed to her ear as she was talking quickly into the receiver.

"Yes Clare I know I have arranged plans to be at dinner with you and Eli, but I have this important meeting and I just can't.. yes Clare I know I cancelled the last three times as well, but dinner can always wait, my profession needs to come first - Clare?" Alli quipped into the end of her phone and pulled it from her ear as she realized the line had been cut off as Clare had hung up on Alli.

Clare stared at Alli looking down at her phone in complete confusement, so of course Clare had lived, but Alli was pushing her to the side for her fashion profession? Also did Clare even hear right when Alli mentioned Eli? _Eli _was still with Clare? This was all new music to Clare's sensitive ears.

"Julia what is going on?" Clare asked quickly as she looked to her left and stared at the beautiful vixen who was watching Alli intently as she breathed out air from her cherry red lips.

"Well, you did live Clare, everything was alright after you made it through the crash, but.. Soon after high school you and Alli started becoming distant as you ebbed out into journalism and she branched into fashion and soon.. It was like you didn't exist to her. Right now, all Alli cares about is fashion, making new clothes, new shoes, new accessories. She barely has time for her husband and son anymore, she's always working." Julia explained and Clare could feel her stomach flip at Julia's explanation, here she was, Alli Bhandari, looking so successful and beautiful, but she doesn't know how to place family and friends before her own profession, she's pushing everyone away unintentionally and even now Clare could see the sorrow and guilt in Alli's eyes as she threw her phone into her Gucci purse which was slumped down to the inside of her elbow as she sighed heavily.

"Who is her husband?" Clare asked Julia as she tried to get her mind off the subject of Alli and her future alive self not being good friends, but rather being acquaintances which absolutely made Clare cringe at the subtle thought.

"Dave Turner. I presume you're familiar with him?" Julia questioned Clare as she looked down at Clare with curious blue orbs.

Clare nodded at Julia's words, she did remember Dave, Dave had the biggest crush on Alli as far back as Clare could remember, always walking Alli to class, carrying her books and bags for her, even paying for her lunch sometimes, Dave was head over heels in love with Alli and now he was married to her, must have been his dream come true, thought Clare. She had always thought Dave was a nice guy, he'd treat Alli right, but it seemed like he was barely even with her anymore.

"So this is what happens with Alli if I live? I basically lose my friendship with her? She drifts away from everything besides her job?" Clare asks Julia with bitterness in her voice as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"Mhm. Clare, whenever we see what happens with your friends if you live, there will be upsides and downsides. Like with Alli, upside, she's living the perfect life, downside, she barely has anyone to live it with, not even you." Julia briefly informed Clare with a sad smile on her lips as she tucked a piece of her raven black hair behind her pale ear.

"Can we please go now?" Clare asked suddenly, no longer interested in seeing Alli be professional and obsessed about her job, if anything Clare wanted this whole ordeal over with by now, to just do as Julia told her to do and then to be back with Eli, that's all Clare longed for was time back with Eli.

"Sure. Just remember this scene, Clare. Please remember it. It'll help you later on." Julia reminded Clare and she nodded to Julia's words, of course this scene before her would be important, it'd help Clare with her decision to die or live and at this moment, Clare was on the fence about it, but she still had more people to see.

More people she didn't know of.

As Clare and Julia walked briskly out of the home that belonged to Alli and Dave, Clare had caught up to Julia's fast pace.

"Where are we going now?" Clare questioned Julia as they started walking farther and farther from Alli's home when Julia stopped abruptly as she spun on her black clad boot and faced Clare with a grimace on her lips.

"Next.. We're seeing your friend Adam Torres and seeing how he is ten years from now if you had died." Julia informed Clare and before Clare could respond to Julia's new piece of information, Julia grabbed onto her hand and suckled her into another black vortex.

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"Ugh. Can we have a nicer way of teleporting next time, Julia?" Clare scowled as she pulled herself off the ground from her harsh landing on the cold hardwood floors, her rear end burning with pain as she saw Julia snickering above her.

"Well, if you choose death, you will learn quicker ways to teleport like I've learned, but since you're not officially dead, we have to teleport that way. Sorry." Julia half heartedly apologized as she twisted a skull ring on her thumb, one that looked exactly like the one Eli constantly wore on his thumb.

Julia of course, noticed Clare's staring and sighed heavily and she stopped twisting the skull ring on her thumb as she gave Clare a side glance.

"I know what you're thinking." Julia murmured and Clare looked at her in a bit of shock, had Julia noticed her staring much less her thoughts about the ring as well? Julia snickered once more at Clare's face as she tucked another piece of her thick black hair behind her ear. "The ring was originally Eli's ring, when we first dated, I always use to steal it off his thumb and wear it as my own, one day, he told me he loved it on me more than he liked wearing it, so he gave it to me." Julia gulped during her explanation as flashbacks entered her mind. "But towards the end of our.. Relationship, the day of our fight, I had taken the ring off my finger and threw it at him. Then.. You know what happened." Julia whispered as she lightly touched the skull ring on her finger. "But when I.. chose death.. I made it to where Eli still had the ring and I still did as well." Julia concluded as she swallowed the huge lump in her throat as she stole another side glance at Clare who was looking at her with such sympathy in her blue orbs.

In Julia's eyes, Clare had the perfect round face, the perfect blue orbs, in Julia's eyes, Clare was perfect for Eli and that's all Julia ever wanted for Eli, was for him to have some perfection in his heavily messed up life.

"I'm so sorry." Clare whispered as she placed a hand on Julia's arm and Julia merely shrugged at Clare's words, they were cliché and very empty words people spoke very often to Julia - they meant nothing to Julia.

Taking a deep breath, Julia quickly changed the subject of the conversation to the elephant in the room.

"Anyway, here we are. Adam's life if you died." Julia breathed as she looked around the home a bit bored, she'd already seen what happens to the people associated in Clare's life and she was dreading having to show Clare, Eli's life if she had died - Julia wasn't sure if she'd even be able to stomach the vision whenever she sees it.

Clare on the other hand smiled a bit at how neat and organized the house seemed to be, Clare was expecting something like what Alli had, a messy and distraught household, but Adam's home life seemed great, nice furniture, pictures lined the walls of his brother, Drew Torres and his mother Audra Torres, even some pictures were of Clare surprisingly, especially one of Adam, Clare and Eli where Clare was in the middle, her arms around Adam and Eli's necks, Adam had one arm in the air and one in his pocket as he had a happy expression on his face, Clare had the hugest blush on her snowy cheeks and next to her, Eli had his arm snaked around Clare's waist as he pulled her closer to his side as he had a smirk on his face.

Clare could feel tears film her eyelids as she remembered the day, she remembered how Drew had taken the picture as Adam had wanted one for his room, the day was sunny and glorious and Clare would do anything to go back to that day - back when everything was better.

"His house seems.. Great. I was expecting something disastrous, but this is perfect. Something Adam would love." Clare said happily as she inspected some pictures of Adam and his family, seeing the happiness on Adam's face, but soon Clare saw some pictures that made her frown and knit her eyebrows in confusion, it was a picture of Adam.. Yet it wasn't, it was him as Adam.. It was him as Gracie.

Clare stared in utter shock as the pictures showed Gracie with no happiness on her face, her hair was longer, to her busty chest which was no longer banded, she wore dresses and tank tops, skirts and high heels. Clare couldn't believe this was Adam had turned into - he had turned back into Gracie.

"Julia.. How did this.." Clare couldn't find her words as she studied one picture that absolutely broke her heart, it was of Eli and Gracie, Clare could see how uncomfortable and sad Eli looked, his green orbs showed no compassion or happiness, his face was drawn and tired, Gracie was wearing a short skirt, low cut top, her hair long and curled as she tried to fake a smile, but simply couldn't, they both looked so unhappy, the two best friends looked as unhappy as they could be.

It wasn't Eli and Adam, it was Eli and _Gracie._ They were complete strangers to one another.

"How did this happen?" Julia finished off Clare's question and Clare gulped, nodding at Julia's words. "After you died in your coma, Clare. It put a huge strain on Adam's friendship with Eli, Eli wasn't himself anymore, he was.. Well you'll see how he acts soon, but it made them grow apart and soon Audra was pressuring Adam to rethink about his decision about going through the full surgery to change how his parts, usually Adam would have been able to fight Audra's pressure with you and Eli on his side, but you see, he had no one, not even Drew could support him seeing as Drew had his own issues with Bianca and Katie happening at the moment. In the end, Audra finally pressured Adam into going back into Gracie, which he did unhappily. Since then Adam has disappeared and only Gracie exists, making Audra a very happy woman seeing now that she has a daughter now, also Adam chose to express Gracie a bit more.. Risqué, having her wear skirts, low cut tops, high heels, something Drew didn't approve of, but he had to go along with it, Eli also didn't like it very much either, he had gotten into a fight with Gracie over it, calling her Adam on several occasions and eventually ended their friendship. Its surprising Gracie kept the picture of them in her apartment, I expected her to throw it out, but no, she didn't." Julia concluded as she studied the picture with some sympathy etched onto her young perfect face.

Clare couldn't believe the words Julia had spoken, Adam had become Gracie again? He cut off ties from Eli? All oft his had happened because of _her _death, thanks to Clare dying, this was going to be Adam's life, a life full of depression and risqué outings. Clare just couldn't believe the future Adam had, she hated it, she hated every aspect of it. She wanted happiness on Adam's part, she wanted to see him happy, not in a life where he hated himself.

"Can we please go see what would happen to Adam if I lived. Please, Julia?" Clare asked in a pained voice as she looked away from the pictures, she didn't even wanna see the actual Gracie around this house, she wanted to see Adam, her best friend Adam, the guy that could always make everyone happy. She wanted to see Adam, not Gracie.

Julia sighed and nodded and not even saying the words, she grasped onto Clare's hand and soon another dark vortex was in their path.

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Clare landed softly on her feet as she looked around what was the same house she was in before and fear rolled through her stomach. She hoped Adam's life wasn't the same if she had lived, she wanted happiness for him, although soon Clare noticed the pictures lining the walls were slightly different than the ones before.

Some of them were of Adam with Drew or Adam with his mother and father, no sign of Gracie had occurred yet, some other pictures were of Adam and Eli, both much older and looking.. Happy. Happiness shown in Eli's green orbs and Adam's blue orbs, Adam looked manlier as well, like he had gone through with some surgery, something along those lines.

Clare caught her breath as she caught a picture of herself, her older self with Adam and Eli, she placed a hand over her mouth as she saw how horrific her face looked, she had scars running down from the corner of her eye to the nape of her jaw, she had small craters implanted in her skin as well, she still looked like herself, just.. More horrible.

But Clare saw that Adam and Eli seemed to have no problem standing beside her, Adam had a huge smile on his face, showing off his pearly white teeth, he was.. Happy, that's what Clare had wanted, was for Adam to have a happy life and it clearly showed that here. Clare diverted her attention to her older self and Eli, Eli had his arm around Clare's shoulders protectively, Clare had a hand on his chest as she leaned into his side, a smirk on his face and a smile on her face.

They all looked.. Happy, sure she look absolutely ugly, but she was happy with the two best guys in her life and it made her fill up with bliss.

"When you lived from your coma, Clare. You and Eli were able to stand by Adam when Audra tried to pressure him into being Gracie again. Adam pulled through and went along with the surgery with you and Eli by his side, even Drew was on his side, along with Bianca - odd I know, but it happened. After high school, Adam fully became a man, the surgery was a success and he was finally _happy _in his skin. Then not long after that, Adam began to get closer to Katie Matlin, the girl who dated Drew for a while, Adam and Katie got very close and began dating and then.." Julia trailed off and pointed to a nearby picture in a white glass picture frame.

Clare etched closer to the photo and gasped, soon a smile spread across her lips and she felt her stomach flip as she stared at the picture.

The picture was of Adam in a tuxedo, his arm snaked around Katie Matlin as she wore a long while dress, her veil reaching the ground as she held a bouquet of red roses, next to Katie was her maid of honor, Marisol Lewis and behind Adam was Eli, his best man, wearing a smile instead of a smirk on his best friend's big day.

Adam had married Katie. He had finally done what he always wanted to do, get married with a girl who accepted him and by the picture, it was obvious Katie accepted Adam for who he was and who he fully became.

"He married Katie." Clare said with such awe in her voice, she could feel tears rush down her cheeks just by seeing the happiness and radiance in Adam's face.

He had finally succeeded what he thought was the impossible and that was happiness.

"Yes he did. He married her and he lives here with her, since it's impossible for them to have a baby together like couples do, they adopted a baby instead." Julia said, a bit of happiness in her voice as she mentioned a baby with Adam and Katie.

Clare could only cry even harder as she heard Julia's words. _A baby. _Adam was a father, he was a father and had a child and Clare couldn't believe her ears. This was something Adam deserved, he deserved Katie, he deserved a child with her, he deserved happiness.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Clare asked Julia urgently, she wanted to know all about this child, she wanted to know if this child had brown hair or blond hair, she wanted to know this child's personality, she wanted to know everything.

Julia smiled at Clare's eagerness and quickly answered her.

"A girl, she has brown hair, brown eyes, she's a easy going baby, her name is Arielle. But Clare.. We need to hurry." Julia said as she could feel a sweat break out on her forehead. Julia knew their next destination and she wasn't looking forward to visiting it whatsoever.

"Oh, what a pretty name!" Clare exclaimed as she wiped her happy tears off her cheeks and she looked back at Julia, remembering her last words. "Hurry up? Why would we need to hurry up? I want to know more about Arielle." Clare quipped as a smile gathered on her lips once more.

Julia let out a forced laugh between her trembling cherry red lips as she messed around with her studded bracelet around her wrist.

"I know you do, Clare and its great you wanna know and all, but we have limited time for me to show you around, we've wasted quite a lot of time already by us talking and spending a lot here at Adam's and Alli's, but we have one more person to visit, Clare." Julia said through a shaky voice and Clare already knew who Julia was talking about.

Eli.

"Just.. Grab on Clare. We'll get through this one quickly." Julia barely whispered as she outstretched her long white hand to Clare.

Gulping and feeling the happiness wash from her veins, Clare nodded and grabbed Julia's hand, they interlocked their shaky fingers.

Clare didn't even notice them being suckled in the vortex this time.

She had Eli on her mind and she was sure Eli was on Julia's mind as well.

.

.

.

"No! I don't' wanna be here! GET ME AWAY NOW, JULIA!" Clare screeched as loud as her lungs would allow her too as Julia held her from behind and kept her planted firmly on the grassy green they were standing on.

"Clare. You **need **to stay here, okay? You need to know what happened, Clare!" Julia exclaimed as she tightened her grip on Clare as she tried to wiggle her way from Julia's tight grasp.

"This is self explanatory, Julia! Eli's dead! He killed himself - I can't be here when we're standing on his grave! He's DEAD! HE'S DEAD AND I DON'T WANNA BE HERE. TAKE ME AWAY NOW!" Clare screamed as tears rushed down her face profusely as she dropped to her knees, soaking into the dewy green grass, she could feel Julia fall down with her, grasping her tighter as she rested her chin on Clare's shoulder.

Clare continued to sob heavily as she stared at the words, etched into the stone as they stared back at her blandly but each word impacted Clare like a knife would impact skin, each word cut and made her bled, she hated the words etched onto the stone.

_Elijah Daniel Goldsworthy _

_Born on July 29th__, 1993 _

_Died on December 18__th__, 2019 _

_Devoted son and friend. _

_Rest in peace little writer._

"He.. He can't be dead." Clare choked out as she felt the anger wash from her veins and was soon replaced by sadness which flowed through her horribly.

Julia sniffled behind her and slowly let Clare out of her grasp as she wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"He is. He - He committed suicide years after you died, Clare. He couldn't do it anymore. The sadness, the depression, the anger, the death inside of him that had accumulated since your death.. He couldn't drag on day by day, he just.. Ended it." Julia whispered as more tears rapidly washed down her cheeks, she didn't even bother wiping them away seeing as it was useless.

"I just.. He could have lived, Julia. He could have moved on." Clare croaked out as she sniffled.

"That was the problem, Clare. He _couldn't _move on." Julia murmured as she bit down on her cherry red lip to keep her from crying even harder.

"I don't wanna be here anymore, Julia. Please take me to see him if I lived, I can't sit here on his grave and stare at this words any longer or I will completely lose it right here. Just please take me to see him if I had lived, it has to be better than this." Clare begged Julia as more tears escaped her red rimmed blue orbs, her chest was tightening up as she stared at the headstone, no flowers, no nothing here to remember him by, nothing, not even a picture of himself.

"Alright." Julia barely whispered as she slowly stood up and pulled Clare up along with her, they both stood on shaky legs as they stared at the boy they loved grave, tears rushing down their cheeks, their chests heaving, their stomachs in knots, their knees close to giving out again.

Julia grasped onto Clare's hand, interlocking their fingers once more and holding onto her hand tightly, Clare squeezed her hand in response.

Julia closed her eyes as she always did and went deep into her mind, she tried to pull out the black vortex, the tunnel between different realms, different paths, the black vortex which would suckle her and Clare into and take them to a better Eli as Julia had seen through blurry eyes, but she couldn't find the vortex, it was no longer in her mind.

"No, no, no." Julia whispered as she let go of Clare's hand and felt her heart beat quicken as she was trying to realize why she couldn't pull the vortex from her mind.

"What's wrong? Why aren't we in the vortex?" Clare questioned Julia as Julia began pacing back and forth on Eli's grave.

"I-I can't access it." Julia stammered as she ran a hand through her matted black hair, she couldn't access the vortex, this wasn't good, this wasn't suppose to happen, she's suppose to access it and show Clare how great her life would be if she chose life over death, but she couldn't do that if she couldn't access the damn vortex.

"What do you mean you can't access it?" Clare exclaimed, her blue orbs widened in fear and shock as she stared at Julia, expecting her to be joking around, but the look of fear and panic in Julia's eyes showed that she was telling the truth - the vortex was not accessible.

With shaky fingers, Julia pulled up her sleeve to show a tattooed hourglass on her inner forearm which was obviously an alive tattoo seeing as there was shaking sand at the bottom of the hourglass, none at the top, Julia gulped and soon felt sadness overwhelm her, she was too late, she didn't meet the time, she had forgotten that she had drawn herself a working hourglass on her skin so she could keep track of time, but she had forgotten she even drew it and now it was too late.

Clare couldn't be able to see Eli's life if Clare had lived, Clare would have to make her decision off of what she had seen so far, that had happened with Alli, Adam and Eli, but she couldn't see what would really guarantee her to choose life and that was seeing how Eli was if she had lived.

"Time's up." Julia whispered as she showed Clare her working hourglass and Clare gulped as she stared at the hourglass, no sand at the top, all at the bottom, she wanted more time, she needed more time, she couldn't make a decision here, not at a graveyard where Eli's grave stood. "Decision time." Julia murmured as she brought her sleeve down and approached Clare to where they were face to face. "Just tell me which you choose.. Life or death and I'll teleport you there with different means of teleportation." Julia informed Clare with a grim smile on her cherry red lips.

"I have to choose now?" Clare whispered through her chapped lips, Julia nodded sadly and soon Clare sighed heavily.

"Alright then.. I've made my decision." Clare murmured, Julia's head snapped up by Clare's sudden decision, already it was so soon and Julia wanted to know desperately know what it was.

"And?" Julia questioned Clare, her eyebrow raised as she awaited for Clare's words.

The words that escaped Clare's lips were words that seemed to make the tree's sway, the clouds move, the air become thicker and quicker, Clare's words had moved everything in her and Julia's current setting.

With a final squeeze on her hand, Clare felt herself being suckled through a quicker and thicker teleportation vortex.

She was finally being taken to her destination.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the late update! School has been kicking my ass so much so now its great to be finally able to update! We're The Pretenders SHOULD be updated tomorrow OR Monday by the latest. Please review on this! The next chapter will be the last! **


	4. breaking rules to see them through

**A/N: Alright, here's the last and final part to 'Beautiful Disaster'. I've REALLY enjoyed writing this four shot, I originally intended it to be a one shot with a cliffhanger ending, but I felt the urge to write more so which I did! I'm sorry if this sucks, it probably does, so I apologize for that! So please enjoy this last and final part to this four part.**

**Also, I have a Eclare story in the works as well called 'We're The Pretenders' and then I have one shot ideas up my sleeve as well. So please be on the look out for those if you are interested in my writing. (: **

**Disclaimer: I do own the black vortex - but I sadly do not own Degrassi.**

**Warning: Cursing.**

**Songs: Oh My What A Fine Day by Behind Sapphire and Somewhere Only We Know by Keane**

* * *

><p>Eli looked down at Clare's unresponsive body, her chest didn't rise, nor did it fall, Eli wasn't sure this was suppose to happen, he was just plainly sitting here, looking at her moving body when it suddenly.. <em>stopped. <em>

The machines hadn't gone off though, they still beeped regularly as if Clare was breathing, but she wasn't, not a ounce of air was being filled into her lungs, nothing at all, it was like.. No she couldn't be, not now, no.. she'd never leave him, never, that would never happen, she wouldn't leave him like this.

Panic evaded Eli as he looked back down at Clare, her eyes were swollen shut, her mouth closed tight despite its slash marks across her satin lips, her hands didn't twitch like they normally did while she was unconscious, she wasn't breathing though, but it still looked as if she had that flush in her cheeks, like the blood had rushed to her cheeks already and she was blushing while still deep in unconsciousness.

"Clare?" Eli asked out weakly, looking down at his mangled girlfriend, he attentively placed a hand on the side of her face, feeling her gash marks under his hands and he felt _disgusted _with himself for doing this to her, if she does live, if she does start breathing again, if she wakes up from this coma, she'd have to live with these scars and live with how everytime he looks at her or touches her face, he'll feel the marks he caused her, she'll have to deal with people pointing and staring at her scars, young children asking what was wrong with her face.

Eli only hoped the marks would subside, she'd have barely anything to hide once they were healed, that makeup could cover it all, because he can barely live with himself as it is and to know the future is going to be bumpy and windy for her, then Eli would completely lose control on his grasp on his life.

Everything would spiral out and he wouldn't be able to regain control of it again. Not after what had happened with the one girl who has made him feel every sweet emotion there is to feel, not after the accident that heavily scarred his girlfriend's face, he wouldn't be able to go on.

"Please.. Clare." Eli asked again, his voice getting more and more painful as he continued to stare down at her unresponsive body, he wanted her to twitch, to move, to do something that required some sort of living method or movement.

When Clare didn't respond to Eli minutes after him asking too, tears began cascading down his face as he began to realize the harsh truth before him - she was dead.

"Oh God, Clare." Eli whimpered as he slumped back into his seat and cowered into his huge hands as he wept, this couldn't have happened, this didn't need to happen, he should have been more careful, he should have or.. Or none of this would have happened, if he didn't watch more carefully Clare would be at home, snuggled in her bed or on the couch, holding a cup of tea while watching one of her soap operas she'd always make Eli sit through.

Eli wished she was at home, he wished she was well and alive, but.. She wasn't. Her body was as unresponsive as her brain - she really was gone, taken by the angels, taken by something good, nothing bad, but something good and full of sweetness.

.

.

.

This feeling was something Clare wasn't expecting, the ride through this black vortex was different than the other, she didn't feel nauseous to her stomach, she didn't feel light headed or agitated, she felt.. Calm, at peace.

"_You can thank me for this later." _A voice whispered in the crisp air that was warped inside the vortex, Clare tried desperately to figure out the voice, but she simply could no figure out who the voice belonged too, it was so raspy and hoarse, like it was close to giving out at any moment in time.

Clare tried her best to get her vocals working so she could speak out to the voice which was hissing around the vortex, almost like it was in pain - could a voice be in pain?

As Clare heard the sound of what was cackling, almost like a fire, she was soon spit out from the vortex and was thrown on the cool hardwood floor of a house.

Groaning loudly, Clare slowly stood up as she looked around at her surroundings of the house she had fallen into - this wasn't the hospital room, why wasn't she in her mangled body, why wasn't she _alive. _That's what she had asked for she had specifically asked for a life to live, not a life full of death.

.

.

.

"_Already? You've already made your decision?" Julia asked incredulously by Clare's quick choice, Clare nodded at Julia's question and soon Julia sighed heavily._

"_What.. Is it too soon?" Clare asked nervously, she didn't wanna break any rules - if there were any rules pertaining to the in between life, than surely Clare would know nothing of them. _

"_No, No, No. It's just.. I don't want you making the wrong choice." murmured Julia as she looked at Clare with a soft look in her soft blue orbs, so soft and gentle, showing off a kind of kindness Clare hadn't seen from Julia, all she had received was cold and hard blue orbs, nothing as kind as this was. _

"_Who said there was a wrong choice? Isn't there just two choices and whichever choice I make isn't the right choice, its just _**my **_choice? Am I correct?" Clare questioned Julia with her arms across her chest, Julia didn't respond well to Clare's statement and it made Clare feel a bit of regret at snapping at Julia like that._

_But Clare had to snap at Julia like that, Julia needed to know there was no right or wrong choice, there was just Clare's choice and that was it. Nothing more to it._

_As Clare looked back at Julia, she saw a understanding look on the beautiful vixen's face as she looked at Clare with a small forced smile on her cherry red lips. _

"_Yes, of course I know that, Clare. I just - never mind. Just, what is your choice?" Julia asked as she recomposed herself, her kind eyes turning back to their icy blue, her voice becoming harder and crisp, she was no longer a melting vixen, but now a cold vixen, one who has became what she was before Clare had molded her temporarily into a sweet person she use to be around Eli._

_Clare inhaled deeply and uncrossed her arms, leaving her arms dangling by her sides like a sock monkey's arms would, she looked up into Julia's blue orbs, crystal ocean's colliding with one another as Clare uttered her choice._

"_I choose life." _

_Julia's cold blue eyes seemed to soften for a nano second, showing happiness and understanding in her blue orbs, Clare immediately smiled at Julia, but as she did so, Julia's understanding look disappeared and was replaced with her cold hard icy blue orbs. "Alright then. Clare Edwards, you chose life and life you will live." Julia stated as she placed a hand on Clare's shoulder, sending chills down Clare's spine as she was soon suckled into another vortex, the feeling of Julia's hand never quite leaving her shoulder as she felt the wind whip past her and cause her curls to cascade down her face._

_._

_._

_._

As Clare looked back on her last moment with Julia, she wondered why she wasn't in the hospital room, in her own body, feeling Eli's hand intertwined with her own, _why wasn't she there?_

Looking around, Clare realized she was in someone's house and she seemed to be alone here, she looked around to see dark hardwood floors, light beige walls which pictures hung from, plants, end tables, couches and chairs surrounded her - as did children's toys as well. This only baffled Clare even more to as why she was in this strange house and not in her hospital room, did Julia send her off improperly? The very thought shook Clare's core, she hoped Julia didn't have a mishap while sending Clare off into the vortex alone for the first and last time ever, she hoped Julia knew what she was doing, maybe this was just.. A dream?

_That's it, this was just a dream, Julia was a dream.. None of this happened, this was all just a dream, a dream that Clare was dreaming during her comatose state. None of this happened.._

Clare was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the sounds of footsteps, she immediately froze in her place, she wasn't sure what she was suppose to do, this wasn't like when she was with Julia and she was calm about being places with her - Clare was alone this time and had no clue what she was suppose to do.

"Clare?"

Clare could feel her heart stop as she heard the voice that would soothe her into sleep, the voice that was always witty and sarcastic, the voice that could recite Poe in his sleep, the voice that always murmured 'I love you's' in her ear whenever they were together.

An older Eli Goldsworthy emerged from another room as he ran a hand through his hair and looked about the living room as if he was in search for something, his green orbs held no sadness whatsoever, they looked about normal - as normal as Clare could remember them, he looked a bit disheveled as his shirt was wrinkled and his pajama bottoms were also crinkled as well, he looked like he had just woken up.

Clare braced herself for the moment he saw her, how would she explain him seeing her - her younger self in his living room? Clare was trying to think up an explanation when Eli looked towards her, but never saw her, instead he was staring at something behind her before sighing heavily and leaving the living room, his feet padding as they walked on the cold hard dark hardwood floors and soon were soft thumps as he walked up stairs as Clare presumed.

A part of her wanted to follow him and see what he was looking for and why he was calling out Clare's name, but as Clare turned around to look at the object behind her, she felt herself gasp and soon a light film of water line her eyes.

It was a picture, a rather large picture which was fitted in a glass frame, inside the picture was a portrait of Eli and Clare, holding each other as they danced on a dance floor, it was a elegant background, flowers, balloons, an orchestra, a huge cake on a pink tablecloth. Eli was wearing a black vest over his white dress shirt, accompanied with dark slacks and clean loafers, while opposite of him, Clare was wearing a long white dress, its beautiful ends draping the dance floor, her veil was covering her beautiful cropped reddish brown locks as she had her arms intertwined around Eli's neck, his arms locked around her waist as they were inches from each others faces.

Just as Clare was about to leave the beautiful portrait hanging on the wall, she soon realized where she was, she was in her future life watching as her younger self, she had chosen to live, but she never got to see Eli's life if she had lived and she was seeing it right now, that's why Eli hadn't seen her - he had his own older Clare who was most likely upstairs, where Eli was heading.

Inhaling a huge breath of air, Clare turned on her heel and began exiting the living room, she was soon face to face with stairs and climbed them carefully and hesitatingly, she wasn't sure what she was expecting to see up here, would it be worth seeing if it was something heart wrenching?

"Sweetheart?" Clare heard Eli murmur tentatively down the hallway that Clare had reached as she made it to the top of the stairs.

Faintly Clare could hear sobs rippling through someone's chest and it felt like a sore ache was beginning to set in Clare's own chest as she heard the cries down the hall - they sounded so familiar to Clare.

As she continued down the hall, the cries grew more and more prominent as did the voices she was hearing,

"Shh, shh, it's alright baby, its alright." Eli murmured gently and Clare gulped as she heard the sobs rise higher and higher in octaves. She also noticed that there was two doors which were left open ajar and she was curious to walk inside and see what was inside those two rooms, but she felt the ache in her chest increase, as was other spots on her body begin to ache which she hadn't felt while traveling to other alternatives with Julia, but she felt the pain now.

Clare continued down the hall and eventually made it down to the room Eli was inside of with the crying woman as Clare finally concluded to seeing as a man couldn't cry that highly, sighing heavily, Clare walked through the door and was soon inside a beautiful bedroom - something she would have loved to have whenever she got her own home, there was light blue walls, clean beige carpeting, the closet door was ajar, but Clare could barely see the outlines of what seemed like dress shirts that Clare assumed Eli wore, a dresser filled with pictures Clare couldn't quite make out from her standing distance, another door that presumably led to the washroom and finally Clare saw the huge bed, the sheets messy, as were the pillows, but Clare paid attention to the two people sitting on the bed.

Eli was sitting on the bed, his expression painful as he held _Clare _in his arms, her faced buried in his chest, bur her curls were a crazy mess, she sounded as if she had been upset for a while which is what Clare had presumed, but what could her older self be so upset over.

"I-I'm sorry." Clare choked out as she buried herself deeper into Eli's embrace, her curls tickling him under his chin, but he didn't yelp out at the touch, instead he tightened his grip around her more securely as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Its alright, love. It's alright, its just another one of those days, its alright." Eli whispered as he stroked her hair lovingly and continued to placed a flurry of kisses on her head, making each and every single one of them gentle as can be.

Clare wiggled her way out of Eli's reluctant grip and Clare gasped as she saw her older self's face.

Clare didn't expect to see long deep scars etched onto the side of Clare's face, dragging all the way to her inner chin where they ended, another scar was on the bridge of her nose, it was deeper than the cheek scars and looked as if it _still _hurt, but Clare showed no pain but her mental pain as she shook her head unhappily.

"No, Eli. I hate having these days, it makes me feel so useless, I just.. I hate having them." Clare breathed out as more tears cascaded down her scarred face as she began to make choking sounds that she usually made while sobbing.

Eli looked at his wife with tears lining his own eyelids, he hated seeing her so helpless, so heartbroken and hurt as she did right now, he wished he could take the pain away from her, that she wouldn't have these mini breakdowns that she usually did when she scrutinized herself in the mirror.

Reaching out, Eli grasped Clare's hand and held it tightly, smoothing over her skin with his thumb as he looked at her with green orbs that were filled with such love you would think they would explode from the heavy emotion in his pupils.

"Clare, I know you hate having these moments and I do too - I hate seeing you like this, I feel so much blame because _I did this to you. _You can disagree with me as much as you like, hell you have already over the years, but this is my fault, its my fault that I caused those scars and that your right wrist will never work as well as it did before. I ruined a lot of things for you, Clare and I should be the sorry one for that, but you told me that I needed to stop apologizing and I did - but still we'll make it through these moments together, alright?" Eli murmured as Clare looked at him with her lips trembling, more tears overflowing from her blue orbs.

Eli didn't say a word as he rose from the bed, his hand still tightly woven with Clare's as he tugged her up which she did hesitatingly and soon he was leading her into what Clare presumed was the washroom. She followed her older self and Eli into the washroom, thankfully Eli left the door opened and Clare wouldn't have needed to walk through the wood of the door, but the pain in Clare's body was starting increase, she winced as she felt it pinch her inner chest, she had no clue why these were continuing, but hopefully they were going to stop soon.

Inside the washroom Eli and Clare were in front of a full length mirror and Clare noticed how her older self shied away from her own reflection and looked down at the white tiled floor as Eli stood behind her and looked into the mirror.

"Come on, Clare." Eli egged her on, as he placed a arm around her waist gently, but Clare shook her head.

"I don't wanna see my hideous face, Eli. Please don't make me see my hideous face." Clare whimpered as tears began to lace her orbs.

For a second, Eli was hesitating, possibly thinking this was a bad idea if Clare was pleading with him not to show her, her own reflection, usually after her breakdowns over her appearance, she'd grow tired and Eli would make her a cup of tea before she'd eventually fall asleep on his chest and when she woke up, she pretended nothing happened.. Until the next time a breakdown happens.

But Eli's hesitation melted away and he recomposed himself as he continued to egg Clare on to see her own reflection in the full length mirror.

"Clare, please." Eli pleaded with Clare as he softly stroked the side of her stomach, but she still didn't budge, she still looked down at the floor, with a defeated sigh, Eli looked back up at the mirror.

"I hate how close together my eyes are." Eli stated and Clare scrunched her face up in confusion by Eli's proclamation, as did the older Clare did as well.

"What?" Clare asked, still not looking up, but Eli ignored her and continued to downgrade himself.

"I hate how full my lips are, no one needs full lips like mine. I also hate the thickness of my hair, whenever its incredibly humid it makes me sweat more than normal and I'm pretty sure you already know that." Eli stated with a nervous chuckle, but soon continued. "I hate how shaky my hands get whenever I'm nervous or scared. I hate the scar I have on my temple, but when you kiss it every night, I suddenly love it." Eli said slowly as he gulped and attentively touched his scar on his temple with his free hand, but soon his hand was knocked out of the way by Clare as she looked up and gave his scar a perfect kiss.

Clare saw how Eli's face softened by Clare's touch on his face, he leaned into her kiss a bit until she broke away and sighed before looking at her reflection in the mirror. Clare could tell how much her older self wanted to cringe and shy away before the mirror, but she didn't, instead she stood her ground and looked at herself, face first in the mirror and began downgrading herself like Eli had done with himself.

"I hate how curly my hair is." Clare stated which caused Eli to look down at her in a bit of shock. Clare had always hated how outwardly curly her hair was, there was always one curl that didn't look right and would mess up her whole do. "I hate how.. Fat my stomach got after having Emmy." Clare said insecurely as she placed her hands on her stomach and that's when Clare suddenly understood the toys that were sprawled across the living room floor - her older self and Eli had a.. child? _They had a daughter. _The thought suddenly hit Clare like a ton of bricks and she found herself tearing up at the thought of herself having a baby with Eli, she wanted to know everything about Emmy, but then the aching pain Clare felt in her chest was suddenly getting stronger and stronger as each minute passed, the pain was escalating to her head and down her arms, hitting her right wrist especially, making it feel almost as if it was.. Burning.

"I hate how I have breakdowns and I hate how it affects you because I can see the pain clear as day on your face, but I don't stop the tears, I don't stop the tremors, I just let you hold me and comfort me and I feel as if I'm taking advantage of you and it disgusts me.. But not as much as my horribly scarred face, which I hate the most out of everything in my appearance." Clare whispered as tears began to flow down her face once more, she looked at Eli through their reflection, but he didn't say a word, he looked at Clare with such pain, but love in his green orbs, he didn't know _what _to say, not after what his wife had said to him, not after that.

"But." Clare paused as she reached over and grasped onto Eli's hand, pulling him from his frozen stance as she gave him a teary smile. "But, I _love _how close your eyes are, I _love _how full your lips are - it makes kissing you so much more enjoyable." Both Clare's noticed how Eli's cheeks became a bright red at Clare's statement which caused her younger self to chuckle at his embarrassment, but the mere, unheard chuckle made Clare gasp out in pain as she felt her chest become unbearable with the pain, her arms began to ache incredibly and her legs were beginning to feel like jelly, like she was about to collapse at any given moment, but her pain didn't phase the two older adults before her, they couldn't hear her cries out in pain - they couldn't see her, they continued on with their banter.

"I absolutely _love _your thick dark hair, I love running my hands through it when I wake up in the morning, or I fall asleep at night. I _love _your shaky hands, it lets me know when you are nervous or scared and allows me to help you, whether it be a April 22nd or just another bad day, it helps me." Clare paused as she saw a tear escape Eli's green orb, but she didn't fully stop from her continuous statements as she gripped her husband's hand harder.

"And lastly, I _love _your scar on your temple, I love waking up and seeing the scar right there and I love placing sweet kisses on it so you can remember and know how much I love you no matter what happened to us as teenagers, because despite our major flaws we think of ourselves, we love each other, Eli. That's why we wear these rings." Clare murmured as she rose her hand and the gleam of her wedding ring shown in the light as Eli stared down at the ring he had purchased years ago as he had imagined it on Clare's finger - and there it was, on his wife's beautiful finger, staying in place for many years to come.

Eli didn't say any words to her, except he grabbed her hand and gently kissed her wedding ring before pulling her close and kissed her forehead multiple times, then kissing her scar on the bridge of her nose, sending chills down her spine, then he proceeded to kiss her scarred cheek, dragging his kisses down the trenches in her face, and soon he was met with her plump lips and lovingly pressed his lips against hers as he murmured a soft and sweet,

"I love you."

Although the scene was beginning to fade in front of the younger, watching Clare, the pain had became increased for her, she could barely tolerate the pain as she collapsed on the tile floor and watched her older self continue to kiss Eli as they murmured sweet things to one another.

Then it all turned pitch black.

.

.

.

"_What is happening." _

"_I did that for you, Clare."_

"_Did what? Who are you? Why is it dark? What is happening?"_

"_Clare, you need to be calm, or you will awaken the angels.""Angels? What is happening?"_

"_Clare, please calm down. Its me, Julia. I sent you there - I sent you to see yourself and Eli if you lived."_

"_What?.. You.. You did that?"_

"_Of course. You needed to see that. Now please hush up."_

_._

_._

_._

"_What is going on, Julia?"_

"_I'm going to hell."_

"_What?"_

"_I'm going to hell, Clare."_

"_Seriously?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Why? You're an angel aren't you? You helped me, you guided me, you can't go to hell!"_

"_I have too.. I broke some rules."_

"_Rules? What rules?" _

"_I was never an angel, Clare. I lied. I wasn't suppose to guide you - your grandmother was suppose to guide you, instead I stole her spot and I transported you to another dimension I wasn't suppose to transport you to." _

.

.

.

"_Julia?"_

"_Shh, Clare. You're about to teleported to your real body, be quiet.""Julia.."_

"_Clare."_

_._

_._

_._

"_Thank you, Julia…Julia?"_

"_I heard you.""Oh.."_

"_Thank _**you **_Clare. For keeping my Eli alive and happy and please do so for many years to come. Please."_

"_I will, I promise, Julia."_

"_Good. Your time is here, Clare."_

"_I'm never seeing you again?""No."_

"_You're a great girl, Julia. I see why Eli loves you."_

"_You mean, _**loved**_."_

"_No, I mean loves." _

_._

_._

_._

The aching sensation began to return to Clare's body as she felt herself swimming in deep, dark water, she could barely hear the words above the water.

"_P..l..ase..c..are..w..a..e..up." _

Clare swam as fast as she could so she could make it to the top of the water, she needed too, she could hear the voice get closer and closer as she swam through the muddy and deep water, the closer she got, the clearer the voice got.

"_Cl..are. P..lease..Cla..re..B..ab..y…Cl…are." _

Clare kept encouraging herself as she kept swimming higher to the top of the water despite the aching and extreme pain in her body haunting her as she forced herself to swim even more.

Soon Clare broke the surface of water and soon shot into her own body, her eyelids opening wide despite the ache she felt behind them and she began coughing erratically as she breathed in the clear air in her hospital room.

_Her hospital room, she was in her hospital room. __**She was alive. She made it. She was alive.**_

"Clare?" Eli exclaimed from Clare's bedside as he saw her swollen eyes fly open, her coughs getting worse as Eli proceeded to stare at her in shock - just a minute ago she wasn't even breathing, he was sure she had passed away, but no.. she was here now, she was alive and coughing as if she had a hairball.

Eli quickly poured her a cup of water and brought it to her lips as fast as he could manage, some of it dribbled down her chin, but he soon got that off her chin with his fingertips as Clare gradually drank the cup full of water, once she was finished, Eli pulled the cup from her chapped lips and set it on the end table as he looked at her in wonder.

"Baby?" Eli questioned again, he wasn't sure if he was dreaming - was she really alive? Was his mind playing tricks on him again?

Clare chuckled at Eli's question, he was always in such immediate shock and surprise after recent events, this was _her Eli, _after all.

"Yeah?" Clare croaked and soon a light film of tears laced in Eli's green orbs as he looked down at his very much _alive _girlfriend, sure bruises and cuts were lacing her body, sure they'd leave scars and mental markings, but she'd always be just as beautiful was she was before this horrific accident.

"You're here." Eli whispered as he sat on the edge of her cot, grabbing her good hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, being sure not to injure her too badly by his show of love.

"I never left." Clare murmured as she gave Eli a weak smile, a smile which melted Eli's heart as he saw his girl smiling, she was smiling and she was alive.

_She was alive._

_He was alive._

**They were alive.**

Those three simple facts, those three simple statements, and that was enough for both of them.


End file.
